This Is Hard

In complete honesty, this is hard. Living in a different culture, trying to understand the language, being a daughter in a family I am barely familiar with... the circumstances are not easy.

Me with my host parents, Richard and Lucy

Can I share something about myself? For most of my life I have been a QUITTER. As a child I was never encouraged to push through difficulty, or to cultivate a resilient heart. If something seemed remotely challenging, I would try it once, maybe twice, but after realizing it would test me, I would bail out! Playing softball, joining the swim team, running track, learning French, playing the guitar... every activity I tried, I quit.

It was no surprise to me that, after realizing what I had gotten myself into in coming to Kitui, I had an EXTREMELY intense desire to quit. Everything in me screamed at me that this experience was going to be too difficult, that if I tried I would fail!

I can not express how glad I am that I did not listen to my own heart, or rely on my own experiences, but instead chose to listen to the resilient Spirit of God inside me. Because while I tell myself that I am incapable and unable, God's Word says:

"You can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you" 

(Philippians 4:13),

"Trust in THE LORD with all your heart and LEAN NOT on your own understanding" 

(Proverbs 3:5),

"His divine power has granted to us ALL THINGS that pertain the LIFE and GODLINESS" 

(2 Peter 1:3),

"And we know that for those who LOVE GOD all things work together for GOOD, for those who are called according to HIS purpose"

(Romans 8:28),

"Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is WITH YOU wherever you go" 

(Joshua 1:9)

What is it that I discern from the Word? DON'T GIVE UP! 

Four years ago before I started actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus, this would have been a foreign concept to me. Don't give up? But giving up is easy!

But now, here in Kitui, KNOWING that the Lord is for me (so, who can be against me?), when I feel that sensation of wanting to give up, I choose to listen to God! When relationships are challenging, and loving people with Christ's love is SO much harder than I expected; when dying to myself and what I want is a minute-by-minute decision, only God tells me that I CAN do it. ONLY God gives me the reassurance and the strength to lay down who I used to be without him, and to pursue Him fully in the NEW creation He has made me to be. 

Are you feeling insecure in who you are or your own abilities? Are you caught up in how little you understand what is going on in your life? Do you feel separated from people who understand you and know how to encourage you?... Can I just encourage you to turn to Christ? He is the ONLY one who loves you with a complete, everlasting love. He is the (ONLY) author and perfecter of your faith. He is THE way, THE truth, and THE life. Turn to Jesus and find your self-worth, your assurance, your true love in HIM.

If he can transform this weak, easily-defeated person into someone willing to push through to the end (with the Lord's help, of course), he can do this and much, MUCH more for YOU!

My friend Emily and me